DO IT Mom says so

Posted on 10/13/2015

Picture this.  You drive your adult offspring and their partner to the airport.  They are flying to a sun destination that you have paid for. You send them off with a bon voyage, “Now you kids go out and have fun.  And don’t come back until you’re knocked up, do you hear me? Love ya.” And then you drive home, having fulfilled your duty to your country.
That’s what Denmark is hoping for. The country’s population is at a 27 year low with a birthrate of 1.7 children per family; one of the lowest rates in Europe.

Babies are needed immediately. They must grow up and become students to fill the schools and eventually part of the work force to pay for Denmark’s robust social programmes.

Babies. How does a country produce more babies? Spies Rejser Travel answered that question.  Sex and palm trees.  They came out with a campaign called “Do it for Denmark.”

Spies Travel has a theory that couples that take active vacations in sunny destinations increase their chances of making whoopee, and that leads to making pablum, which eventually leads to making future tax payers.

They produced a travel video. No sunsets, roller coasters or mariachi bands, instead, itsy bitsy lingerie and sweating couples.  To my knowledge it might very well be the first time an egg and a fallopian tube have appeared in a travel video.

The message was that a trip resulting in a bun in the oven would be a patriotic investment.

If that wasn’t enough incentive, couples would be rewarded with baby supplies for three years and a child friendly holiday if they could prove they kneaded the pastry on their vacation.

The website provided an interactive calendar for women to determine when they would be ovulating.  Men were told that to increase their odds of fertility they should not wear tight pants.   (I would like it if every website told men not to wear tight pants, as a community service).

Alas, the birthrate did not increase substantially so Spies Travel wondered if these couples won’t procreate for their country, surely they will do so for their mothers? And that’s when the campaign “Do it for Mom” was born.

The ‘Do it for mom’ promotional video tells women who have become ‘grandma-broody’ that they were there when their son learned to walk, there when he learned to ride a bike and there when he learned to read; but when it comes to making a grandchild it might be a bit awkward to help out (visual of helpful mom in bed with couple).

Once the kids get home and parents are feeling self-congratulatory for having paid for them to have relations (huh, didn’t that sound more palatable before they left?) I expect that the best course of action would be to remain relatively hushed about expectations for a gross return.

I think it would be in poor taste to inquire about the performance of the investment.  One must ignore all thoughts about fixed assets or sinking funds. This is a time weighted return, the investor and all contributors will know the results in about 39 weeks. So Mom’s the word.

In the meantime, Men, please do not wear tight pants.